Working Through Fears

I know other people have talked about this sort of thing before, like Very Large Colt and Mugwump. I know it's pretty common in so-called 'adult re-riders,' which I can say because my mom is one ;)

But, guess what - I'm 18 and crazy, and I still have to deal with fear. Maybe it's not the same kind, maybe it's easier for me to push through, I don't know.

I'm going to write about it anyway, if only to share that not all teenagers think they're invincible.


As I've ridden Pandora in more and more eventing-related things -- a hunter derby, an eventing clinic -- I've gradually met a realization that was a little startling to me: I'm a little afraid of galloping.

What??

Yeah. I mean, I love galloping. I love going fast. When I did the western gaming events with McKinna in OHSET, she hauled butt on the way home from pole-bending or flags. That was probably the fastest I'd ever gone, and it was a blast. But, that was in a manicured long arena with a horse who knew her job was to run hell-bent for leather and then pull up and walk out. And it was on a straight line.

I've never really galloped anywhere else.

But when I'm out in an open field, I tense up. I want to cling to the reins. I want the comfort of knowing that I can close my thighs and hands like I do in the arena and my horse will change gaits for me. I look down at the ground 10 feet in front of us, and in my head I get terrible visions of my horse catching a heel and sending us both flying.

The memory of my little slip-stumble-fall in a field on McKinna this last summer, which led to a broken ankle, certainly doesn't help matters.

That being said, I do actually like galloping, and I do actually plan to get somewhat good at eventing one of these days. So, this is obviously something I need to work through.

Friday, I spent some time on it. A friend and I took our horses into the big mare pasture and practiced. We walked a big lap, then trotted a little and picked up a hand gallop. Pandora and I started in a steady canter, then I tried to relax as we cruised past the other mare. (Hey, the other one's a sweetheart, plug of a QH.) We pulled up, walked a lap, and repeated.

I was a little surprised at just how nervous I was. Our first canter/gallop, Pandora was about as tense as I was, blowing on every stride, kind of ignoring my half halts. As we went on, I forced myself to sit up, reminded myself to look ahead of ourselves, and relax my death grip on the reins. I found that once we hit a rhythm, I could keep the gentle, light contact we're both used to, without her trying to speed up.

After a few initial sessions, Pandora figured out how to go mostly straight, without going almost sideways or really trying to bend to the outside. This is definitely something to practice.

I practiced big, looping circles, allowing myself to breathe and trying to avoid images of her leaning on the turn too much and crashing to the ground.

I practiced pushing her forward into a pretty decent gallop (going AWAY from home, at first!), then setting my shoulders, closing my legs, and asking for a lower gear. And what do you know, it started to work! We even were able to pick up a canter heading home, move up into a gallop, then ease back and circle without her trying to blast on full-speed ahead to the barn.

When we cleaned out extra tack for the tack sale, I stumbled across a pair of really nice rubber reins. Pony sized -- my mom had purchased them for McKinna (who, yes, goes in pony reins) but decided she didn't like the rubber. They were dreamy. So easy to keep my hands in the same place, so easy to grip, long enough to walk on the buckle but short enough that they're convenient for gallop work. They are definitely mine now.

One thing I loved about Pandora's attitude? The let-down. My friend and I would gallop for maybe a minute, then walk a lap or two, then do some more canter-gallop work. The moment we came back to a walk, Pandora was on the buckle, relaxed, swinging forward in a great walk. She even stayed there if the other horse picked up a canter and ranged far away from us. If we galloped toward or away from the other horse, Pandora didn't seem to care.

It was like we were both so wound up and nervous about it, that once we practiced a little, relaxed a little, and got back into our normal communication, everything worked itself out.

Before our workout, she was dancing around the cross-ties and didn't want to hold still for mounting. Afterwards, she had this soft, quiet look in her eye, and stood patiently and relaxed even while we stood and chatted. That's her normal attitude of course, but still.


Anyway, I just wanted to share that. It was hard for me to let go and trust Pandora out there. I came in with a huge smile on my face, but I had to CONSCIOUSLY push myself. I was literally muttering to myself, "Okay, let her GO, move OUT, look UP, relax, breathe, circle, and NOW you can half-halt and bring her back."

The experience was so worth dealing with my fear. My trust in Pandora has increased, and although I can't ask her for her opinion, I'm pretty sure her trust in me has increased too.